Rejection Kills Your Soul
The feeling of rejection is the worse. It literally kills your soul. Okay a bit dramatic but you know what I mean. The feeling of not being wanted, the feeling of not being needed, the feeling of no longer being seen. The numbing ache you feel, your mind racing with what you could have done better. The days where all you can do is cry. Your tears keeping your lips moisturised and the pain is now your breakfast, lunch and dinner. The answer is nothing…he just wasn’t the one. Sadly you have to experience this soul breaking rejection to realise that you deserve better.
You look in the mirror and for 0.1 second you believe the lies you’ve spun in your head. “ Your not attractive, no one will ever want you”. Satan you are a liar!!. You grief the possibility of what could have been. You delete your Pinterest board of weddings rings, bridesmaid and wedding dresses. You throw away the mood board you made with him in mind. There are days when you think you can do this. This single life is not bad at all. Then it takes one small thing like a scent, a tv advert or a song to trigger you and you are now a blubbering mess.
Your mind starts racing thinking what red flags did you miss, was there any to begin with?. You got your friends to interrogate him he said all the right words. Your friends melted under his charm and encouraged you to give him a chance. Your wall that you meticulously built around you slowly disintegrates and you allow yourself to start enjoying what ever this is. This thing that starts off without a label starts to feel right. You wake up excited, a smile on your face and a pep in your step. You quickly grab your phone in anticipation of his good morning text. “Good Morning babe”.
Where did you go wrong…?. Your cooking dinner and something funny that he did pops into your head and you start smiling. Feeling awkward at the realisation its probably the first time you’ve smiled in days. Your phone starts ringing and one by one you relay the rejection story. Each time you get better at summarising what happened without crying or feeling completely broken like it happened yesterday.
One by one your supposedly good friends start telling you things they noticed in your relationship that they were too scared to say. “ We didn’t know how you would have reacted”. Your Aunties tell you “ he didn’t have honest eyes, we been praying for God to remove him if he wasn’t the one”. The feeling of annoyance and comfort in one sentence.
You notice he’s watching your instagram and WhatsApp stories so you start posting quotes or you looking amazing. In the end you get irritated and just block him.. because why is he looking at your stories?. He choose not to be in your life where he had a front row seat. Now he wanted a balcony view. Boy bye… block block and block.
Rejection it literally kills your soul, it is heart breaking, it bloody hurts. It breaks you down and makes you feel like when you born. Naked and innocent with nothing to loose. It is also the best thing that can happen to you….you might be thinking Athina have you completely lost your mind?. What!! After going through all of that. Yes.. once you’ve been experience rejection it can only get better, because why?. You are going to put the work in. You are going to learn to love yourself, you are going to fill up that gratitude jar of all the amazing things and people your grateful for. You are going to journal like your life depends on it. Let it all out…because being bitter only gives you wrinkles before your time. You are going to catch feelings again because why not?. He wasn’t the one, move on. Don’t let your rejection go to waste, learn what you need to learn and grow in the areas of your character you need to grow in.
Have you ever been rejected, what lessons have you learnt through the process?. Leave a comment I would love to hear from you.